think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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