I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
3 2 1 whiskey
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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