She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My dick has a subreddit
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
