Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
