Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
