I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
