I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You can't special order awesome
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
