I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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