I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
