This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
