I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
