Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize