You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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