I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
