That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
