I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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