It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
