I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
