she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
