After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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