i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
