Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
