remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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