It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
