Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im holly from the hills drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
