youre lurking in front of me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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