her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Less talking, more tequila
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
