So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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