every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
