First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
