sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
