It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
