They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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