You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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