You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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