how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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