I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize