Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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