With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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