I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
