found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
