hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
