im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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