I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
