didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
