I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize