Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
