I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize