So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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