she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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