I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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