my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
