If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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