I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize