nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
