What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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