[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
