Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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