He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
