: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
