i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
