no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
