By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
