I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His hands were made for my vagina.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
