Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
