Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
