considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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