Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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