I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
