my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
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Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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