sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
