Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
