have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
