"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
