Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
