Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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