YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's blow job season.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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