P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
