He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
