An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
