oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
