You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
