Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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