Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize