I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
