I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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