I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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