he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
