I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
